Conspiracies, and not believing what you don't want to believe.

I’ve read a version of this article in some capacity for several topics: COVID, the election, systemic racism. It brings up psychological reasons why people hang on to alternative viewpoints in the midst of a deluge of facts.

And its curious that no matter how many times it seems so obvious to understand, these articles never seem to have a solution. Frankly, there is none. Data, discussion, ignoring the noise; that tempers some of the views, even sways some to see things differently. But in the end, how much do you want to take on the challenge of altering someones views, at the cost of your own sanity and energy?

Cheat-Proof a Relationship

I mean, not really. There’s no stopping certain peoples’ desires. There’s only so much we can control on a constant basis. Sadly, relationships require a leap of faith that we ultimately have to accept. But….sadly?

We all should be open to having faith in others, particularly our partners. So this article is a good primer of basic principles that really make life easier, and keeps matters of infidelity at a minimum.

Cheatproofing

Storytelling and Lying

I figure myself to be a storyteller. I love to reflect on things and share them with others. 

Oh, but Malcolm Gladwell had to come and suppose that my memories aren't what I thought they were. Now I'm wondering how much I remember, and how much I've added to my tales unknowingly.

Revisionist History explores this in Episode 3 and Episode 4.

 

 

Anchor and adjustment

I noticed a long time ago that my work tends to follow themes. I will use a concept in many sessions throughout the week because it works in varying situations. Then the next week, a new concept dominates some sessions. Its like a therapeutic word of the day. 

So this week, I've fallen back with my old friend, Anchor and Adjustment.  I loved this concept back in college; though I learned about it solely from a financial standpoint, not its basis in cognitive biases. 

The idea revolves around the expectations we place when a value is presented. So if I tell someone it takes three weeks to lose 10 pounds of weight, they are "anchored" to that 3 weeks. It doesnt reflect on different body types, or exercise regimen and style, just those 3 weeks. 

I often warn people about anchors, because they subdue conversations that people can have on what progress truly is. When working with infidelity, the guilty party will often say "how long until you get over it?" To them, they want it done ASAP, for obvious reasons. But to the victim, they are now rushed, and now feel pressure and failure in not getting over it. And when the guilty party says "its been two months, why are we still at it?", thats the worst kind of anchor for both parties. 

Her Idea, My Thoughts

I just might start doing this more often. Ileana often finds things I wouldn't really look for. And then when I come across it, well, the mind races. So let's start with this article 

Ways to Learn From Others' Divorces

Which frankly, this title is better than the one the writer  ominously used.

The article derives 16 sources with 16 points. Although some are arguably overlapping, a lot of the problems are commonly mentioned in this line of work. So I get to thinking, how many of those points would need to present to go from - "This is a frustrating part of our relationship", to "Our relationship is starting to get rocky", to "We're on the verge of falling apart". 

Interestingly, I wonder if a system like the DSM's method of diagnosis becomes viable. If x number of 16 are present, bring up the yellow and the red flags. 

 

Sleep Paralysis and a Presence in the room....

In the spirit of Halloween - and a recent uptick in clientele that have reported similar issues - I am sharing this podcast on Sleep Paralysis. Little discussed, yet very common sleeping issue experienced by kids, teens, and adults. Though the podcast starts slowly and their brand of humor is particularly for repeat listeners, its a great listen. And yes, this is now two straight insights connected via podcast. 

Enjoy Chuck and Josh discussing this curious issue:

http://www.stuffyoushouldknow.com/podcasts/sleep-paralysis.htm

Recommendation for a podcast....

I have a very good system when it comes to podcasting. There are ones focused on comedy, sports, general trivia;many categories for varying situations. It stimulates the mind, is good for social conversation, and generally a helpful alternative to music at times. 

I'm recommending Malcolm Gladwell's Revisionist History  podcast because its a good, introspective listen. I highly recommend the three-part episode regarding the American college system.

Dealing with "I dont know"

Always a conversation disruptor, a child saying "I dont know" when asked about things is a difficult defense to break. Here's a way to address that issue:

http://thecornerstoneforteachers.com/2014/04/bright-idea-responding-kids-say-dont-know.html